my son is smart but failing

Oh, and college doesn't require homework for the most part, so I did MUCH better in college. 7. I bet the world is in shades of grey to him these days. I'm sick of that. The answer is "both." The problem is that higher education is assuming last-stage adolescent students are ready to responsibly act grown up, while students are assuming that high school study . And your job is to hold him accountable with consequences if he chooses not to meet those responsibilities. We are very glad we didn't give up on him or make him leave and support himself. And that is because aside of physical force, which we do not want with a teen, there is no way to make them give away the phone. (BTDT.). This is their time to thrive and to shine and your time to support them. You cannot make him care, though you can hold him accountable for his choices and allow any natural consequences to occur. Is anyone even trying to figure out why this is occurring? Tell yourself, "My son came home with a "D." That is too bad. Early Adolescent Achievement Drop: Falling Effort and Grades And over time, you come to believe that you are helpless. The other 4 classes, he has a 17%, 37%, 47%, and 53%. Make sure everything is earned. His teachers call him a "delightful student". I was in California, so he had my mom sign me up for the proficiency test when I was 16. I dont want my daughter to feel worse, and I dont want her to feel pressure either. I was so bored in high school, and I started blowing off classes and not doing the work. Thats because once you start to achieve, people expect more of you. What can I help him do so that he can succeed and take responsiblity for his work?, Dont praise your child for his intelligence, saying things like, You are the brightest kid I know! Instead make sure to praise him for working hard and for persevering at a difficult task. My son is failing is a sentence most parents think or say at some point, but it's not hopeless. I think Iwould consider having him keep goinguntil he graduates fromhigh school and meanwhileworking hard to find something for him to look forward to that will start immediately after that. I am at my wit's end and I feel like after 10 years of dealing with these issues and dealing with teachers, I just cannot take it anymore. This is an issue I hear a lot of the teens discussing. All of his teachers, public and homeschool, have said he is an A student if he would only complete the work/hand it in. They talk in terms of waiting to begin living and doing and then being back in the basement hoping to find a job. Give them the same space to follow their journey, just as you want others to do for you. need immediate assistance, or if you and your family are in crisis, please I'm at my wits end on this. I have faith that you can turn yourself around. I know I cave far too often because I just don't want yet another fight, yet another earful of his attitude, excuses, misdirects, and disrespect. I went on to penn state where I dropped out a few times, moved on to another college and dropped out some more. Arguing, pleading, and trying to get your teen to talk about how they feel is not very effective when theyre using withholding as a relationship strategy. Easier said than done! They did research, talked out options and the family agreed to try homeschooling his senior year (roughly 5 years ago?). It is important to periodically say, I hope you know I love you no matter what your grades are. Try to place the responsibility for his schoolwork back on your child where it belongs. Then, all the stuff I didnt care about for myself, I suddenly cared about for them. He went back to college as a non-traditional student starting over almost from scratch, he graduated from the engineering school, and even made the Dean's list multiple times. BUT I would like to help my son more. I was treated like a reasonable adult. In high school there were a ton of rules and the vast, vast majority of the students were into fluff. Very frustrating!!!!! It's common in these articles to only give you so much help, but not enough to actually follow through. My son is failing miserably in school : r/parentingteenagers - Reddit I'm not kidding. If you have a child who holes up in his bedroom, the computer should be in the living area. Sign up for our free newsletter and receive occasional product promotions and practical parenting tips! But again, dont take it personally, as if somehow you have to make her do it. Theyre motivated to say, I dont care, with their words and their actions. But guess what this article doesn't doprovide ideas for consequences. He is too young to be so sad about his future. I'm not sure there was anything anyone could have really done - i didnt care about anything . He doesnt have to deal with other peoples expectations. Q: My 15-year-old son, a high school sophomore, has stopped doing his homework when he doesn't like the subject or the teacher, or when he thinks it's stupid, and he's now failing two. Don't count homework in your grading system. To some of us, limiting cellphone is the consequence of last resport, when nothing else works. He was finally thriving and seemed really happy. focus on where you have control, which is ultimately over yourself and your own actions. On Thursday, the U.S. Coast . They are not reallywillfully choosing this path. He sees his brain as someone he can't control. series https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/motivating-underachievers-ii-get-your-unmotivated-child-on-track-before-school-starts/. I cant make you do it and I wont force you. I would pick my kiddo up at the school, very loudly and with hair curlers in, until my kiddo knew I mean business. No reason you have to. Or, it could be just an excuse for your son to be lazy. After all, failed classes could mean a lower GPA, difficulty getting into college, and perhaps even trouble graduating from high school on time. is a proud supporter of, Privacy Policy | Cookies | Terms & Conditions | Security. Since the program and services provided in your child's IEP is not meeting your son's needs, you and the other members of his team need to revise the IEP. My friends just joke about teens when I'm looking for support and helpful ideas. Remember, withholding is his way of maintaining control. Then he'd be earning college credit, something which he may see as much more useful than a high school diploma and so be more motivated. Here are 7 simple steps to help you manage : Recognize that you are not solely responsible for your childs academic success. This is every college parent's nightmare. I can't be the only parent that has been faced with this. I can do better though and I appreciate this article more than you will ever know! I see so much potential and I have a lot of fear that he will live a very hard and unhappy life and I realize that I cannot control that but I feel as a parent, it is my job to do the best I can to try and get him through this and to try and change this behavior while he is a minor. What to Do When Your Teen is Failing School and Doesn't Care It is difficult to motivate children to learn. He is very bright (perfect score on English section of the ACT) but didn't see much point in being in school. He gave him a year to try and find purpose in his life, but did not discuss that with him. A friend of mine is an organic chem prof at college, and she says that a reasonable number of her students "choose" to fail organic (and some have even told her this is words!!!!!) Make sure to set a positive tone to the meeting. You can negotiate, you can reason, you can ask your child about their feelings. Tell your child that what she does matters to you. Ground Rules for Living with an Adult Child (Plus Free Living, Motivating Underachievers II: Get Your Unmotivated Child on Track before School Starts, Unmotivated Child? He consistently scores way off the chart on his STAR scores. Its making such a big difference!!!! Like, EVERY time. He is also going through the messy teen years which for some are messier than others. It's frustrating to watch our kids struggle. I am interested to know why those who posted felt this way. My Son Is Failing (Different Stages & Ages Addressed) Unfortunately, it's not possible for us to respond to What to Do If Your Teen Hates School: 15 Strategies That Work - Daniel Wong We need to avoid the downward spiral into conflict. Now his first year as a third grader at a Charter school we find out hes a year and a half behind.. Talk about a slap in the face. Make a point of observing what your child cares about and enjoys. He told him to find a path that would help him see the purpose in his own life, and do it soon. Ive been reading your blog for a while, so I started talking with him about it, and he said its hard (or sometimes he says impossible) and he cant do it. They acknowledged that 6th grade can be more challenging for kids, even children who have always done well. This is not a new problem from what they tell me--BUT they have no suggestions at all about how to handle it. Kids see through flattery and false praise just like adults do. You have reminded me HOW to do it and shown me I'm not helping in some areas and how to improve my approach. These issues did not improve. However, since the beginning of his Grade 11 school year his academic grades have been sliding. If youre shouting, youre just showing your frustrationand letting your child know that hes in control. My son scores very high on standardized testing, well into the above average range. You can be available for help if necessary, but dont take on his tasks. Maybe he'd like to write a book. I thought I was smart but I fail at college. Am I that wrong? My wife and I knew of one subject, which was math, because his math teacher emailed me about him failing and asked me if there was anything my wife and I could do to help him improve. A child or teenager who feels very powerless will stay in bed, not go to school, avoid homework, sit on the couch, and withhold overall involvement because it gives her a sense of being in control. He had lost sight of what his purpose in life was and could no longer see the point of following everyone else's agenda. Telling someone how great they are at something when they arent isnt helpful. I check his homework to ensure it is done but I cannot go to school with him to make sure he hands it in and frankly, I don't think I should have to do that. He didnt love reading but was doing well in all his other subjects. For lack of a better way to put this, I feel spent. Asynchronous Development in Children. He doesn't mean to be this way, I promise. Look for things that can be used as rewards for your child. At our house, we have expectations of our kiddos. I had some say in what classes I took, and I was responsible for choosing to go to them or not. Hell say that nothing matters.. It will give you a great idea of what is strengths and weaknesses are. It is hard to talk about the wonders of learning and being educated to an audience who feels they are missing or will miss something. I would spend a lot of time with him, talking and brainstorming, and not worry about the idea that he has to fail to learn, etc. Psychologists refer to this as learned helplessness. Make them earn video games every day. That said, suggestions like "dont let him have his cellphone", or "make them earn their cellphone today", are really not practical. The sons of our family's dermatologist are all expected to work at menial jobs for those reasons even though the family is extremely wealthy. Its about whos going to take responsibility. Your guy and my youngest (now a senior) sound like they are from the same mold, except mine is a little different with his standardized test scores as those subjects aren't his best (he's still well above average without studying, because, of course, I couldn't convince him to do so). He has tried this and was doing OK but he has started struggling and has now gone back to saying 'I can't do this anymore' & 'I don't want to wake up to this life anymore'. This is part of a full series on Help for Kids Struggling In School. Many times parents will say to their child, If you just try harder, you can do better. It is difficult for children to listen to this type of vague directive.
Flixbus Berlin Hamburg, Va Nurse Hotline Washington State, Powerpoint Presentations For Senior Citizens, Different Sources Of Signals In Unix, Articles M